What’s The Deal With Vampires?


What is the fascination with vampires? I don’t get it…We all know that the vampire is a folkloric creation, much like the muffin man. However, for some reason our culture has decided to latch on to the vampire and glamorize the myth to the point that we are being overloaded with the blood sucker theme. Why not the Muffin Man? Humpty Dumpty deserves some love doesn’t he? Why can’t America get fascinated with the Liger? It’s a lion and a tiger mixed, bred for its skills in magic people! I can see the dollar signs now…Back to vampires. I did a little research…Since the dawn of film there have been roughly 300 movies made about vampires, many about Dracula alone. Some of the my favorite titles included, Lesbian Vampire Killers; Barely Legal Lesbian Vampires; Hot Vampire Nights (X-Rated); Vampire Hookers; Gayracula; Blacula; Billy The Kid Vs. Dracula; Rockula. Now we have the Twilight phenomenon, Vampire Diaries, and True Blood (which I just watched seasons 1 & 2). Let’s assume for fun that Vamps are real. Where is the appeal? For one, they are dead…So, when Bella & Edward cuddle up it’s not all warm and fuzzy…it would really be more like snuggling with a room temperature slab of meat. Then there’s the fact that they live on blood…your blood. True Blood gives the impression that it is almost orgasmic to be bitten/ fed on…Let’s bring it to the real world…would you get off by letting someone sink a pair of inch long spikes into your jugular? Hell no you wouldn’t…if you actually let it happen, do you think that you would be wanting to get some after that? I know I would be thinking get my ass to the ER before I bleed out! You could never hang out with your vampire mate during the daytime…I can see it now…Honey, let’s go to the park today it’s so nice out…five minutes into your picnic you would be wiping the remnants of your love sucker off of your bologna sandwich after he exploded…don’t even get me started on the whole sleeping in coffins thing…Websters defines vampire as “a preternatural being, commonly believed to be a reanimated corpse, said to suck the blood of sleeping persons at night.” Of course, it also defines vampire as ” a woman who unscrupulously exploits, ruins, or degrades the men she seduces.” In which case maybe vampires really do exist.

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About Generic Dad

Ex break dancing champion turned competitive eating loser. I am into prosthetic limbs, knife throwing, and I am a self-taught magician...I once fought Kimbo Slice to a draw, my belly button is known to seep gravy, which has come in handy on more than one occasion.

Posted on January 20, 2010, in Thoughts on Life and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. vampires are dangrous, humpty dumpty not so much. VampLovers like to live on the edge. Much like myself..

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