What Happend To Just Driving???


So I am driving to work the other day when I come up behind this car and I can see that the driver is moving his arm up and down behind his head.  At first I think nothing of this.  Perhaps he is stretching, or scratching or something…who knows.  However, as I get closer I get a better view.  This guy is lifting dumb bells…while driving!  I pulled up as close as I could get because I just had to make sure I was seeing what I thought I was seeing.  Sure enough, he’s doing triceps extensions over the back of his seat while driving.  I guess this guy is just so busy that he can’t get to the gym.  Instead, the only time that he has for a quick workout is while operating a motor vehicle.  I use dumb bells at home while watching television.  Others use them in a gym.  Not this guy.  He is so pressed for time that he can only workout while driving.  I wonder if he puts the cruise control on and stands up in the seat to do squats.  Or maybe he leans his seat all the way back and then does pull-ups on the steering wheel.  Perhaps I should try to capitalize on this by creating a workout video…”That’s right folks, you can get your workout in during your morning commute!  No more expensive gym fees, no more bulky exercise equipment in your house!  All you need are some free weights and the flexibility of a contortionist.” I can tell you this; You know that if this guy has resorted to in-car working out, you can guarantee he has done some in-car rubbing out.  Ah yes, the ole road warrior…  

(I snapped a photo with my trusty iPhone, but as you fellow iphone-ers know, the camera on the phone is not the best.  Hopefully you can see it on here…) Yes, I realize that me driving at 70 MPH and attempting  to take a photo is Exhibit A of me doing the exact thing that I am on here ranting about…

Pump-N-Drive

Anyway, this got me to thinking about the crazy things that I have seen or heard about people doing while they are driving.   As a commuter, I have seen just about everything there is to see as far as a person doing things while driving a car that are typically not done in a car.  I have seen people reading everything from the newspaper to what appear to be work documents.  I have seen people using laptops.  We have all seen (and most likely done ourselves)  people texting while driving.  I admit that I am guilty of this…and there was a time that I may have attempted the ole road warrior back in college(c’mon, you know you gave a whirl once too)…Hell, if I tried that these days I would surely die in a fiery crash.  I can see the headline in the paper, “Plano driver killed while________(insert your masturbation euphemism here)”. 

The 'O' Face??

 We have all seen the multitude of women that just can’t seem to finish getting ready at their houses so they take to the road to finish up the job.  Makeup-ing, hair styling, even getting dressed…all while driving at highway speeds…it’s crazy…I don’t see how some of these women don’t show up at work looking like a carnie.  How the hell can you put on mascara while driving?  I know a dozen women that could probably teach a clinic.  A side question that I have about women and mascara is; Why can’t women close their mouths when putting on mascara??  It must be a physiological reaction to having a miniature hair brush in your eye that makes your jaw drop open. 

Of course, it is not just women that are guilty of primping and driving.  I have seen men shaving, trimming nose hair and styling their hair while driving.  In fact, I still have an electric razor in the console of my truck right now, but at least I can use it and still have one hand on the wheel and both eyes on the road.  I have seen a person actually eating a bowl of cereal while driving.  Last time I checked this was a two-handed operation.  Luckily, we have evolved and are now able to grip a steering wheel with our knees.

Some other things that I have either seen or heard about…people urinating while driving, women sticking her head out of the window to dry her hair while she brushed and drove, people brushing teeth, drivers getting oral pleasure, people actually having sex, digging in the passenger or back seat for stuff, beating their kids in the back seat, AND NURSING A BABY!  The list goes on…

The irony that I guess I am getting at as a parent is this:  We will flip out if our child gets ahold of a toy with lead-based paint.  We won’t let our child our of our site when at a park or playground.  We force our kids to wear those embarrassing helmets just to go ride their bikes and yet we turn around and do the things mentioned above with our loved ones riding shotgun.   Buck up people, and let’s be smart.

I encourage you to post any tales of crazy things that you have seen people doing while driving.

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About Generic Dad

Ex break dancing champion turned competitive eating loser. I am into prosthetic limbs, knife throwing, and I am a self-taught magician...I once fought Kimbo Slice to a draw, my belly button is known to seep gravy, which has come in handy on more than one occasion.

Posted on May 4, 2010, in Thoughts on Life, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. I was in an SUV and saw a little car in the other lane getting “a job” from the passenger…

    In college, I perfected plucking my eyebrows while driving on I-30

    Since I am a skilled “knee driver” I have been known to: eat cereal, sing to Had and do hadn motions. pat/tickle her while singing to her, I used to put on gym clothes in the car (don’t anymore since I dont go to gym from school). it wasnt too hard, jsut the sports bra got tricky and indecent…

    don’t tell jared this. he already criticises my driving and my rear view mirror for looking at had instead of the road behind me…

  2. You forgot nose picking. I always see people doing that. All of this from the man who has driven his daughter around without a car seat!!

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