Posted by Generic Dad
Wow, a lot has happened since the last post. I apologize for not posting more, but let’s face facts…I am lazy.
B is growing like a weed and with that growth comes quite the healthy little appetite. You are all well aware of M’s eating issues, or lack of eating issues as I have ranted about them on multiple postings.
B seems to be quite the opposite of M in the eating department, which is refreshing. While M sticks to her strict diet of only chicken nuggets, B eats everything that he can get his chubby little paws on. He eats all things that M steers clear of including; hot sauce, veggies of all types, salad, most meats, and of course crayons.
Unlike M, who was practically speaking at birth, B has taken a bit longer to get going. These days, while M runs around quoting Macbeth, B is a little more like Colin Firth in The King’s Speech. Rather than stutter, B simply pummels us with a constant barrage of “juice, juice, juice” or “cookoo, cookoo, cookoo” (cookoo is cookie in B-speak). Oh he can say plenty of other things, but it’s those two words that haunt me while I sleep. He is also a tad bit spoiled and has thus mastered the ability to instantly produce an ear-piercing scream and tears the second that he does not get what he wants. In an effort to maintain at least some sanity, I have to walk around with a pump sprayer full of juice and I wear a sidearm that fires Nilla Wafers. Before B can even get through his speech, “juice, juice, juice, ju…” BAM! I have silenced him with rapid fire from my snack shooter and hosed him down with juice. Ahh…sweet silence…”cookoo, cookoo, cookoo”…where’s my shotgun…
In addition to being a “healthy” eater, B is quite the bully it seems. Although M has 6″ in height and 4″ in reach on B, he typically gets the best of her. I have noticed that he has a couple of solid go-to moves that M just can’t seem to defence. His most solid move is what I like to call the “Dozer”. The Dozer comes into play when B feels that M is getting more attention than him from Mom or Dad. I can see it about to happen every time. He gets this glazed over look in his eyes and they roll back in his head ever so slightly. At this point there is no stopping him, so I quickly detach M from whatever grip she has on me with a swift front kick, or a Heisman to the forehead and I sit back and watch B fully bulldoze M. It’s great. The dozing of M ends with her on the ground or when B has dozed her into a wall or a piece of furniture. The constant supply of cookoos and juice have given him some sort of super powers it seems. B’s other go-to move is the classic hair pull. If you thought Daniel-san was quick with those chopsticks, then you have not seen B in action. He can go from a lying down position to having a fist full of M’s golden locks in the blink of an eye. Unfortunately, I usually have to throw in the towel at this point because I can see that M is not going to get out of his thunder grip. On the other hand, it is nice to see them “playing” together. I can’t wait to teach B-san to sweep the leg.
About Generic DadEx break dancing champion turned competitive eating loser. I am into prosthetic limbs, knife throwing, and I am a self-taught magician...I once fought Kimbo Slice to a draw, my belly button is known to seep gravy, which has come in handy on more than one occasion.
Posted on March 31, 2011, in Thoughts on Life and tagged babies, bulldozer, Children, chopsticks, colin firth, cookie gun, crayons, daddy blog, daniel-san, dozer, eating disorders, fatherhood, hot sauce, humor, juice, karate kid, nilla wafers, parenting, salad, sweep the leg, the king's speech, toddlers. Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.