We’ve Got Crabs!


Hello blogophiles!  Yes, I am still alive…barely.  My apologies for not posting recently.  Hopefully you will forgive me as I have been busy solidifying my position as the Christian Grey of our new home.  If I can just get the wifey to sign those non-disclosure agreements…

Lil B doin’ work

Anyway, what I would really like to do is update you all on the little ones since the last installment was purely rodent related.  M & Lil B are doing quite well in getting adjusted to their new digs.  In fact, they have almost become fully acclimated to cleaning the additional square footage of the new crib.  In fact, they are becoming more efficient and are quickly working their way toward getting 3 full hours of sleep each night.  This is a great milestone and it gives me confidence that they will be able to keep the new house clean while still keeping up with their regular yard work duties.  For a minute, I thought that we were going to have to have another child to supplement M & Lil B.  Thank God the wifey is a Tiger Mom and she runs a tight ship…I don’t know if I could handle having to purchase fast food for an additional mouth…the thought sends chills through my gelatinous body…

As a reward, of sorts, for the kids taking on the added chores, we have let them get a pet.  Cats are out because of allergies.  Dogs are out because you actually have to interact with them.  Farm animals are out because my therapist does not think I am fully rehabilitated yet.  This leaves us with boring old fish…That is until we are at the Stepfordville Mall one day making the kids do some power walking to increase their chore productivity, when we stumble across the perfect pet…Crabs.  That’s right, we’ve got crabs!

May I just say that these crabs have been the perfect pet thus far.  They just sit there in their little sand-covered prison cell and all we have to do is keep some water in there for them and feed them now and then. (I am now fully qualified to be a prison warden! Feed ’em, water ’em… execute ’em!)  The best part about having crabs is that the kids have a pet to call their own and caring for the crabs does not take away from their chores!  This is waaaay better than the last time I had crabs…

Badda Bing-Badda Boom

In addition to the giving the kids crabs, we also allow 30 minutes of television per week (assuming all work tasks have been completed to our satisfaction).  One might think that M & Lil B would choose to watch cartoons, or one of the preteen shows on Disney, but not my little workers.  They spend their TV time watching Cake Boss!  If you haven’t seen it, Cake Boss is a reality show featuring an entire family of overweight New Jersey Italians making kickass cakes.  Obviously, they eat a lot of cake too…Needless to say, the kids now walk around the house spouting off in their best Jersey-Italian accents.  It is funny to hear a 5 and 3 year-old tossing around terms like fondant, “butta cream”  and  “I’m the borse”   Next thing I know they will be watching Snookie blow some dude in a bathroom on Jersey Shore…God help us…Why can’t they just watch Nickelodeon?  Now it’s just me that watches Victorious and Wizards of Waverly Place…alone in the dark with my scented lotions…don’t judge me…

“Kids Show” Victorious…watch it…watch it real hard

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About Generic Dad

Ex break dancing champion turned competitive eating loser. I am into prosthetic limbs, knife throwing, and I am a self-taught magician...I once fought Kimbo Slice to a draw, my belly button is known to seep gravy, which has come in handy on more than one occasion.

Posted on August 24, 2012, in Thoughts on Life and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. you read L’s books didnt you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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