The First Day…What a Ruse


I pitty da fool don’t eat his lunch!

 

Mom walked us into school…once

Looking back, I have quite fond memories of the first day(s) of school.  What’s not to like from the kid’s perspective?  You get to rock new clothes, new backpacks loaded down with supplies (which sucked ass for kids that walked to/from school), and new super hero-themed lunch boxes.  Properly supplied, the Sis and I would climb into Mom’s Cutlass Supreme, she would crank up the Queen, and we would roll straight 80’s pimp-style to elementary school.  And yes, my mom rocked the perm…

Throughout junior high and high school the first days only seem to get better.  Super hero lunch boxes give way to designer shoes and jeans, and the selection of the perfect jacket/coat plays a more important role in ones wardrobe (so long velour-lined jean jacket, you will be missed…then burned).  As for the backpacks, they remain an unfortunate necessity.  The story remains the same in that we as kids provide our list of demands and hold our folks schedules (and wallets) hostage until all demands have been met… 

Throughout all of those years I never thought once about the stress or the cash outlay that was placed on my awesome parents, nor did they throw it in our faces like they could have…should have.  Hell, Sis and I were so spoiled that if we didn’t get to go out-of-town-school-shopping you would think the world was ending…such little assholes we were.(Don’t worry, we gave the folks a break eventually…I took to dealing drugs and robbing liquor stores and Sis took to whoring to pay our way through college…)

I WANT MY SNACK PACK!

Fast forward to the present, the first day of Kindergarten for my baby girl, M.  With a closet full of designer clothes (I looked for iron-on shirts, but apparently these are a thing of the past); a personalized/matching  backpack and lunch box set (super heroes are not cool enough for this diva) and new shoes (that blink and flicker enough to send an epileptic scrambling for a tongue depressor).  All topped off with her first missing tooth, lil miss thang is ready for school…Like her mom and dad, she is oblivious to what we have gone through over the past couple of weeks to ensure her first day happiness…In fact, she had the nerve to bitch because we didn’t send the proper snack in her lunch box! (I know someone who is about to be snacking on the back of my hand!)

Needless to say, my feelings of first day nostalgia are quickly being replaced with feelings of unappreciated tiredness…and it’s only Kindergarten…WTF are we gonna do when she’s a junior in high school? (hopefully my backhand still packs a wallop by then as I fear I am going to need it…)

 

 

 

 

Happy First Day to all of you unappreciated parents out there…Now go fix your kids lunch…and iron some effing clothes while your at it you worthless bastards…

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About Generic Dad

Ex break dancing champion turned competitive eating loser. I am into prosthetic limbs, knife throwing, and I am a self-taught magician...I once fought Kimbo Slice to a draw, my belly button is known to seep gravy, which has come in handy on more than one occasion.

Posted on August 28, 2012, in Thoughts on Life and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. Sweet Jesus this is hilarious!!!

  2. I have one year left before I have to deal with the burden of school supplies! Perhaps I should start stocking up now.

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