The T-Day Invasion


springclean

 

Below is the transcription of a speech given just before the great spring clean of 2013 in Stepfordville, Texas.  Go forth and be motivated!

clean bomb

You are about to embark upon the Great Crusade, toward which we have striven these many years. The eyes of this house are upon you. The hopes and prayers of clutterless-loving people everywhere march with you. In company with our brave Allies and brothers-in-arms on other Fronts, you will bring about the destruction of the Clutter war machine, the elimination of toy tyranny over the oppressed parents of Stepfordville, and security for ourselves in this house.

Your task will not be an easy one. Your enemy is well-trained, well equipped and battle hardened. He will fight savagely.

But this is the year 2013! Much has happened since the Clutter triumphs of 2011-12. The United Parents Nations have inflicted upon the Clutter great defeats, in open battle, man-to-man. Our recent offensive has seriously reduced their strength in the playroom and their capacity to wage war on the ground floor. Our Home Fronts have given us an overwhelming superiority in weapons and munitions of war, and placed at our disposal great reserves of trained fighting parents. The tide has turned! The clutter-free rooms of the world are marching together to Victory!

I have full confidence in your courage and devotion to duty and skill in battle. We will accept nothing less than full Victory!

~Dwight D. Parent

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About Generic Dad

Ex break dancing champion turned competitive eating loser. I am into prosthetic limbs, knife throwing, and I am a self-taught magician...I once fought Kimbo Slice to a draw, my belly button is known to seep gravy, which has come in handy on more than one occasion.

Posted on May 5, 2013, in humor, Thoughts on Life and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. My family did a thorough spring cleaning on spring break (yes, my two teenage sons were thrilled with our vacation choice). It felt wonderful to spot reduce, but just like bellys and thighs, my sons’ rooms have quickly acquired new fat. I don’t understand where it all comes from!!!

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