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It’s the End of the World as We Know it…and I Feel Mayan

Shorts Weather?

Many of you may or may not know it, but we as a one-world population sit at the precipice of hell.  According to my favorite extinct race, the Mayans, the world as we know it is going to end tomorrow.  Wow, that sounds really ominous and hopeless-feeling.  This being said, I have a bucket list of items that I am going to take care of tonight:

1) Watch porn…pre genital hygiene early ’70s porn…

bow chicka bow bow

bow chicka bow bow

2) Eat a beautiful medium rare steak…correction, a beautiful medium rare HUMAN steak…mmm3) Practice karate in the garage

4) Pee on my neighbor’s sofa…again

5) Watch more porn…midget porn…

awwww yeah

6) Burn something…anything…a nice yule log…or a car

7) Perform my rendition of Eddie Murphy’s Delirious…at a giant Jehovah’s Witness church, or a synagogue

8) Properly execute the Tripple Lindy…Thornton Melon style bitches!

Tripple Lindy Bitches!

9) Go Christmas carolling…at the “terrorist” containment block of Guantanamo Bay

"Away in a..."

“Away in a…”

10) Finish my life of with another round of watching porn…staring anyone who has defiled our guest room…we saw what you did, you filthy bastards!

On a more light-hearted note, I want to know why/how society today with all the technology at our fingertips, do we base our eradication on a primitive calendar made by a practically extinct race of sacrificial heathens??  These primitively advanced Mesoamericans had their own written language, “end-of-days” calendar, mathematics, astronomy, and on and on.   However, they had not yet discovered steel apparently because the Conquistadors put the beat-down on those “primitive” bastards…hmm, this story sounds awful familiar…just ask the American Indian.

Okay, okay…I will get off my soap box…but only because I want to know why four guys on horses are tearing my lawn…

"WTF! Get your effin horses off my gra---------------------------------------

“WTF! Get your effin horses off my gra——————————————————————————“