I don’t even know where to start…

I am about to walk out onto the back patio last Saturday evening when my three-year-old daughter screams, “Daddy! Watch out for Mr. Buttons Tyroome!” 

“Huh? Who is Mr. Button?”

“Mr. Buttons Tyroome!  He watches over our patio.”

My wife and I exchange looks as if we have both just realized that our daughter is a certifiable nut job. I am starting to think that M might have a little schizophrenia.  I knew it skipped a generation, but I had prayed that my kids would not be afflicted.  Yet here I am having a conversation with my toddler about an imaginary overseer of our patio.  Of course she may just have a vivid imagination…and no, there are no “diagnosed” schizoids in my family…(I do not speak for my wife’s family)

I inquire further about Mr. Buttons Tyroome and it turns out that he is a rather small (exact size not yet determined), orange little man.  He has big ears and a big nose.  He has no hair, but wears a hat to avoid sunburn.  Apparently he also has keys to our house because today M told me that she saw him in our front yard and, “he used his key to come into our house.”  She even went so far as to claim that I was with her, and that I saw him too while she hid behind my legs!  This kid is nuts…Do they prescribe Lithium for toddlers?

I kid you not, these are actual conversations that I have had with my daughter over the past couple of days.  I am thinking that I need to start digging into my in-law’s family mental illness history.  I pray that these are the things that go along with having a child with a vivid imagination.  Her mind is simply amazing.  

Another example of M’s wild imagination and creativity is that she will pre-script conversations.  This will happen mainly when we are playing.  She will set up the entire scene.  She will Tell Mommy and Daddy where to sit or stand; tell us what each person is going to do; and even feeds us our  lines.  And now I present Surprise Party by M. R. De Mille

SCENE 1, ACT 1

Mommy and Daddy sit on the sofa and hide.  M enters the room. 

Mommy and Daddy: “SURPRISE!”

M: “Oh, a surprise party for me?”

Mommy” ” yes, a surprise party all for you!” 

Daddy ” We got you presents!”

M: “Presents? For Me?  YAY!!”

FIN

This is just an example of one of M’s little “plays” , as we like to call them.  However, now she is starting to think that she can script real life situations.  As you all know, we have issues with getting the poor kid to eat dinner.  With her recent screenwriting success, she decides that she can script tonight’s dinner after finding out that we are having food that she does not want. Please enjoy Dinner by M.R. De Mille.

ACT 1 SCENE 1

M: Eats ONLY a banana for dinner.  NO TACOS, and NO BEANS

M: “Can I please be excused?”

Daddy: ” Of course you may be excused and you can go watch TV!”

FIN

I just sit there scratching my rapidly greying hair in amazement.  What is this kid going to be like when she’s a conniving teenager?  We are so screwed…